Selah - I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take,
Things I wanted to show you,
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes,
Who could love you like this ?
People say that I am brave but i'm not,
Truth is i'm barely hanging on,
But there's a greater story,
Written long before me,
Because He loves you like this.
So I will carry you,
While your heart beats here,
Long beyond the empty cradle,
Through the coming years,
I will carry you,
All my life,
And I will praise the One who's chosen me,
To carry you.
Such a short time,
Such a long road,
All this madness,
But I know,
That the silence,
Has brought me to His voice,
And He says.
I've shown her photographs of time beginning,
Walked her through the parted seas,
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes,
Who could love her like this ?
I will carry you,
While your heart beats here,
Long beyond the empty cradle,
Through the coming years,
I will carry you,
All your life,
And I will praise the One who's chosen Me,
To carry you.
This blog post is more personal, emotional, and deeper than my other blog posts. Cherish every moment.
Some days its harder than others. I think about Brooklyn constantly. Its the songs, its the pictures, its the memories, the holidays, the bond we shared that make me think of her. She was only my cousin, but I cant explain the bond we had. I loved her and her brother and sister when I found out I was going to be a cousin to triplets. I will never forget the early morning May 10 4-5ish am when I heard the news that they had to bring them into this world too soon. Brayden and Braxton both lost their life that day. I will never forget going to their funeral just hours before having to go to an Illinois Church of God girls day event. My heart was shattered but I chose to go anyway. While I was at this event, there was a frail little girl fighting for her life at 1 lbs 6 oz.
Pictures make her seem much bigger than she was. Nothing in the world can prepare you to see a sweet tiny baby fighting for her life. As I walked into her room at Cardinal Glennon Childrens Hospital my heart broke. She was small. I remember talking to her and seeing her little foot kick. I asked the nurse how she was doing, she replied "Well, she's a really sick little girl". I told her "she's going to be okay, she has God on her side." For 2 months and 11 days Brooklyn Jade fought. She had overcome many things and had people all over America and the world praying for her. As I held her in my arms on Wednesday July 21, 2010 knowing this would be the last time on earth I would see her, the last time I would hold her, feel her hand hold mine, I wasnt prepared to let her go. I didnt want to stop holding her.
Leaving the hospital that day I knew it was a matter of hours before she gained her home in Heaven. I remember walking through the front doors of the church that night, and before service I got the news that Brooklyn had went home to be with Jesus at 5:55 pm. I have peace in knowing i'll see her again, but I cant help but think what she would look like, learning to talk, learning to walk, playing, laughing, and smiling. In all this being said, I know she is in a greater place than I am. She's with her creator.
Premature birth has changed my life and opened my eyes in ways I would've never imagined. I have lost 5 infant cousins too soon. 4 of which were premature. Camron (SIDS), Brayden (preemie), Braxton (preemie), Brooklyn (preemie), and Ethan (preemie). So premature babies/SIDS and their families all hold a special place in my heart. Because I know it never gets easier. Everything reminds you of them, but I find my strength in God. I dont know how anyone can make it through such pain without God. I know I couldnt deal with Brooklyns loss without the Lord because through her journey he was my strength. Now all I have is pictures, a video, and memories of this little girl.
If you've lost a child or have lost a baby in your family to premature birth or SIDS, just know that God is your strength. He had a purpose for their life and they definitely leave their mark on this world in a great way. Brooklyns life has taught me to cherish life because we are not gauranteed another day. There is a quote from Courageous that I hold onto on days when I miss Brooklyn
"At a moment like this, silence seems to be the only emotion that fits. What can we, as mere men say to a grieving shattered heart? We speak today because we have a living hope. Death is no respecter of persons. Death is no respecter of youth. Death is a painful intruder and a pernicious reminder of our human condition. But I stand before you today to declare that we have a living hope and that causes us to rejoice greatly. If your hope today is found in the fact Jesus is no longer entombed... Because He lives, the grieving broken heart has hope, and reason to rejoice."
I'll end this post with that and know that we'll see them again soon if our hearts are right.
Be encouraged,
Tiffany Elaine.
