You are for me.

Hey!!! :)

Hmm, where to begin. There seems to be so much running through my mind as I try to write this. Its been a while since I posted. I love writing, its a place where I can just pour myself into. Lately, i've just had this fear about all sorts of things. School, life, etc.
I think what if my classmates dont understand my life, what if they dont like me, what if my roommate doesnt like me, what if I miss home more than enjoying walking in my purpose, what if I get lonely and am not happy in Tennessee. Its scary!

I've noticed that lately i've just been so stressed and so worried.
I knew this journey was going to be a hard one filled with ups and downs but honestly, I never thought I would feel this way. I think though that we try and play things out in our minds and plan things in advance but Gods plan is different than ours. One thing that I find that has been weighing heavy on my heart is just being me.

I never want to be someone im not. Believe it or not, being yourself is one of the scariest things you have to decide to do. You have the fear of rejection of those who dont like who you are. I know you cant please everyone and not everyone is going to like you, but it still doesnt change the fact that you want people to like you. I dont have the luxurious lifestyle, I dont live in a 2 story house thats absolutely gorgeous with my parents who are married, but none of that makes me any less of a person than someone who has all of that. I've worked hard, been through alot, and have come out stronger because of my life. Im no different than any other Christian. I still worship the same God they do, I still love to serve Him, I love melting in his presence. Its hard, but one thing I choose to do is to be myself.
Roommate assignments are going to be given out soon and i've been talking with my friends telling them that I hope I dont get a skinny roommate, cause I'd feel insecure. That right that really tugs on my heart. NOTE to self & anyone else: I need to know im beautiful because God made me, regardless of my size. The thing is I KNOW this, but there's those little moments of insecurity that always weigh on someone.  Hey, what can I say im human? :)

There's times I think about my life, my testimony, how to me it feels shameful, but the facts is regardless of how I feel about it, its miraculous, its strength, its a literal testimony of how God takes broken pieces of someone who surrenders to him and shows them the purpose they were created for. I am strong, I dont say that boastfully, I say it because I need to remind myself all the time. Sometimes being strong is the only thing that keeps me going through trials and hard times. So many times you could just give up, but there's always an ounce of strength that God has placed somewhere deep inside and you keep pushing on.

I think about how lonely it might be in Tennessee. I've known loneliness and how sometimes you feel like no one cares, but you know that there is always one who cares and who is always there with you. Its a scary thought to think about especially when you've been there before. I never thought that loneliness would ever be a feeling about moving to Tennessee.

I feel like I have so much to do, so much stuff to think about, and so little time. I dont feel like I have enough clearity in my mind to think properly everyday lol. Its been crazy, its been so hard, its been painful, but I know my reward will come.

Lately, with all these scary thoughts i've just been reminding myself God is for me.
He's still Holy. He's still Sovereign. He's faithful.  He's Gracious. He's merciful. He's love. He's stronger. He's greater. He's my help. He's on his way. He's constant. He's truth. He's patient. He's on time. He's for ME.
Its been a struggle, but as I write this I think i've literally clicked replay on Kari Jobe's "You Are For Me" atleast 15 times. Lol.

Im me. Im human. This post is real. Its truth.
 Its life, my life.
Its my story.

But....
I know that You are for me Jesus.


Xoxo,
Tiffany Elaine.