Its not over.

After laying in bed for the last hour trying to get a little bit of sleep before we leave, I just couldnt do it. I cant describe how im feeling to be honest, so I wanted to try and blog this moment so I could look back one day and see it. Bare with me if its a little crazy, my mind is going in 75 million different directions.

First of all, I feel like there is this heavy truck sitting on my chest. I want to cry, but im telling myself to be strong. Encouraging myself with bible verses, listening to praise and worship, and praying. I dont know why this is so hard and scary for me, its not only the place where I feel God has called me to be, but its been a dream of mine. I will admit it, I am the worst person to deal with when it comes to change. It stinks! Im going to be okay, im sure. Right now I just cant see through the painful part of this transition. This is the part of the process where I feel like God has to break me to mold me into who he wants me to be. As I type this I have this really heavy lump in my throat that aches as I try to fight back the tears, im sure know what im talking about. I dont want this whole experience to feel negative, but right now my heart is hurting for an unknown reason.

Im tired, and exhausted at this point would be an understatement. I wish I knew what God was going to do, I wish I could see how this all is going to play out. But, thats not faith at all.  How little is my faith right now? Ouch!

All I know is im so glad that this world isnt our home, I deffinetly could not live here forever. My heart aches knowing i've had to say goodbye to people who have been holding me together during a very difficult time.

I will admit right now I need God more than I have ever, I need prayers, support, and encouragement as I try to keep my focus on his will for my life.

I need peace in this painful transition.

As long as God gives me the strength im moving forward. Its not over.

- Tiffany Elaine